Raising Teenage Daughters

The Value of a Mom


Raising daughters is a joy and blessing, but it’s not without troubles. What words of encouragement do women have for each other? Mindy Belz, Mary Mohler, and Kathy Chapell sat down at the 2012 Gospel Coalition Women’s Conference to share wisdom and their experience. Mindy Belz is the editor of WORLD Magazine. Mary Mohler is the president’s wife at Southern Seminary and Founder and Director Seminary Wives Institute. Kathy Chapell co-authored Each for the Other: Marriage as it’s Meant to Be with her husband. 


Kathy, Mindy, and Mary shared several tidbits of wisdom from their experience mothering daughters. What stood out to you?
Log In to Continue


All three women encouraged mothers not to wish away the teen years. Though there are challenges in them, the teen years can be fun, and mothers can grow in their prayer lives and in humility through them.  

Have you ever feared or dreaded the teen years because of their difficulty? If so, what do you fear or dread? If not, why not?
Log In to Continue


Kathy mentioned some of the hormonal changes teen girls go through, which adds to the difficulty of parenting. Mindy elaborated, saying that teen girls go through “chemical upheaval, emotional upheaval, and social upheaval.”  

What upheaval have you seen in your daughter’s life? How do you typically respond to your daughter in the midst of this upheaval?
Log In to Continue

Galatians 5:22 (ESV)

22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.


Patience is a fruit of the Spirit. In what ways are you exercising patience in your daughter’s life? In what areas of her life do you need to grow in patience?
Log In to Continue

Mary encouraged mothers not to try to be their daughter’s best friend. Is this hard for you? Do you feel pressure to befriend your daughter, rather than mother her? Why or why not?
Log In to Continue

What advantages do you see in being your daughter’s mother, versus her best friend?
Log In to Continue

Mary, Mindy, and Kathy all talked about the importance of having fun with your daughter and enjoying “light moments.” What fun things do you do with your daughter? Or is your family in need of more fun?
Log In to Continue

Two of the most important things teenagers need is consistency and community. Is your family in need of either one? How can you become a more consistent parent? What community do you feel called to foster?
Log In to Continue


One of the most important things Kathy, Mindy, and Mary said was that parents should be praying for their youth group leaders. Do you currently do this? What are some specific prayers you can begin praying that will help you be more intentional about the community that surrounds your daughter?  

 
The Value of Modesty


Moms are vital to the lives and wellbeing of their teen girls. In this next interview, Mindy, Kathy, and Mary talk about the specific value of modesty and how it can bless a teen girl and her friends over time. 


Mindy said she thinks mothers often look at the culture, and it scares them. In what ways does culture scare you as a parent?
Log In to Continue

Dressing modestly is very counter-cultural. Do you instill the value of modesty in your teenage daughter? Why or why not?
Log In to Continue

What are some ways you can encourage your daughter to dress modestly? What will help her understand why you encourage modesty?
Log In to Continue


Mindy challenged parents to “push the communication envelope” and admitted she’d made mistakes. She also noted that each of her daughters are different and respond differently to her. Mindy’s had to be creative and compassionate when looking for the best ways to connect with her daughters. She said mothers, herself included, often interpret without really hearing from their children.  

Are you guilty of interpreting without listening to your children? Why do you think this is our tendency? If not, what has listening accomplished for your parenting?
Log In to Continue

Are you in need of some new and creative ways to communicate? What are your current methods?
Log In to Continue


Mindy, Mary, and Kathy all agreed that mothers should take advantage of any opportunity when their children want to talk with them. So whether it’s side-by-side in the car, in the middle of the night, or some other convenient or inconvenient time, accept any invitation your daughter gives you to connect. 

The Value of Communication


Your time of parenting is short, so you want to capture every moment you can. In this final video, Mary, Kathy, and Mindy talk more about communication and encourage mothers to give their daughters freedom and grace, no matter how difficult it may be. 



Kathy said that knowing what’s inside of her daughters helps her respond appropriately. She said it’s important not to jump to a response or be defensive if our children are being difficult but instead being sensitive to whatever struggles or hard times they might be going through. Kathy said having a different perspective helps her be more forgiving and gracious.  

Do you often think about what’s going on internally in the life of your daughter, or are you focused on her external behavior? What’s the difference between the two?
Log In to Continue

What are some ways you can begin finding out more about the internal life of your child versus simply rewarding or punishing good and bad behavior?
Log In to Continue


Mindy talked about a transition that goes on in the communication between parent and teenager. She has shifted from telling her children what to do to walking alongside them, listening, and letting her daughters come to their own conclusions and decisions. Kathy added that it’s good to let your daughters walk their own path. 

Does it scare you at all to let your daughter walk her own path? Why or why not?
Log In to Continue

Mary talked about how different today’s culture is than it was when they were teenagers; it is not a carbon copy of their childhood. What do you see in today’s world that is different from when you were a teenager? What specific prayers do you think today’s teenagers need to not only survive, but to thrive, in today’s world?
Log In to Continue


It’s important for women to share openly not only their struggles, but also their successes. As you continue to love your daughters, remember you’re not alone. God has created the church to be a source of strength, guidance, and encouragement for you. 



For more information about the Gospel Coalition Women’s Conference, click here.